Poor villager named GANPAT RAI (who really needs a job) is being interviewed by Britisher, Colonel Smith.

Col.Smith: Haan toh Gaand Fat rahai (Ganpat-Rai) Ganpat Rai: Nahi sir, jayada nahi… (very nervously)

Col. Smith:Kya ‘jyada nahi’ bolta hai, tumhara application me likha Hua hai Gand fat rahai. (in anger)

Ganpat Rai : Theekh hai mai baap, likha hai to fat raha hoga gaand. (innocently surrendered under the accented understanding)

Col. Smith:To Tum Daily marata hai (tum delhi me rahta hai)? (general enquiry)

Ganpat Rai: Nahi sir, kabhi kabhi… (very innocently)

Col. Smith:Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo, kya ‘kabhi kabhi’ bolta hai? Tumhara application mein likha hua hai ki tum Daily marata hai.(yet again, enquiry in anger)

Ganpat Rai : Theek hai mai bap, likha hai to marvata honga. The Ganpat Rai was employed on one condition that he will do whatever Col.Smith’s family asks him to do.(innocently surrendered under the accented understanding)

Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai…

Ganpatrai : Ji maalik…

Col. Smith: Aaj tum ko 3 kaam karnee kaa haai

Ganpatrai : Hukum Sarkaar

Col. Smith: Tum pehla hamaari beti ko chodenga (drop her off)… baad mein hamaari biwi ko chodenga…aur uske baad mein hum ko chodenga. (delieverables for the day)

Ganpatrai : Maaf karna Sarkaar, aapki biwi aur beti to theek hai,lekin main aap ko nahi choddh sakta. (hmmm, yeh kya karne ko bol raha hai angrej ki aulad )

Col.Smith: Gand fatrahai! Tum ko hum ko chodnaa padhega. (angry)

Ganpatrai : Nahi sarkaar aisa zulum naa kare. (na, mere maalik na )

Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, agar tum hum ko nahi chod sakta to hum tumko nokri se nikaal denga. (naukri daaav par lag gayee hai ab to !)

Ganpatrai : Theek hai sarkaar…. jo hukum… (finally wilfully surendered)

After a few days There is no one except Col.Smith’s wife at home. She is alone in her bedroom.While wearing her bra she is unable to Tie the knot behind. So……

Wife : Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo?

Ganpatrai: Ji Maalkin…

Wife: Gand fatrahai, hammara peeche se gaand maaro (gaanth maro tie the bra knot).

Ganpatrai: Yeh kya keh rahi hai Maalkin??

Wife: Gand fatrahai, jaldi se gand maaro hum ko late hota hai.

Ganpatrai : Nahi Nahi Maalkin… Agar maine aisa kiya to hum ko sarkar kacha kha jayenge.

Wife : Gand fatrahai, agar tumne jaldi se hamari gaand nahi maari to hum tumko kacha kha jaayengi.

Ganpatrai : Theek hai maalkin. Jo hukum.

Ganpatrai who has been frustrated by these Brits for a long time starts like a bull. Panic striken the wife tries to turn and shouts:

Wife : GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI !!!

Ganpatrai :Memsaab…Gaand maarega to Gaand to phatega hi


Ek area mein Bhai rehta hai, Chaman Bhai..

Ab uskey area mein jo bhi koi lafda hota hai to police se pehle Chaman
Bhai ki adalat mein jaata hai..

Ek baar Chaman Bhai ke area mein rape ho jata hai, aur jisney game
bajayi hoti hai ukso pakad ke Chaman Bhai ke paas leke jatey hain.

Chaman Bhai pehley to bahut shanti se, style mein, us sey baat karta
hai. kuch is tarah se.

Chaman : Kya re ? Tere ko maloom nahi yeh apun ka area hai?

Mujrim : Haan maloom hai na bhai.

Chaman : Phir kaisey himmat ki rape karne ki apun ke area mein?

Mujrim : Ab kya boloon bhai, kismat kharab thi.

Chaman : Chal mere ko sub kuch sach sach bata kya aur kaisey hua?

Mujrim : Abhi kya na. Idhar naake pe apun paan khaney ke liye aaya.

Chaman : Phir ?

Murjim : Apun khade hokey paan kharela tha. aur utney mein samney wali
building pe apun ki nazar gayi.

Chaman : Aage bol

Mujrim : Udhar teesrey maaley pe ek chikni khadi hui thi

Chaman : Phir kya hua ?

Mujrim : Apun ko aisa laga ke usney ishaara kiya aaney ke liye..

Chaman : Phir tuney kya kiya ?

Mujrim : Apun socha ke kuch kaam hoyenga usko.. to apun builidng ke
neeche gaya

Chaman : Phir ?

Mujrim : Usney Isharey se apun ko upar bulaaya. apun seedi chadte yehich
sochrela tha “Chaman Bhai ka area hai… Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman : Chal fatafat aagey bol

Mujrim : Apun ne usko jaakey bola.. kya kaam hai.. kaiko ishara kiya
apun ko?

Chaman : Phir ?

Mujrim : Phir kya bhai, apun ko usney ghar ke andar kheech liya

Chaman : (Excited) Phir ?

Mujrim : Apun ghar me to chala gaya lekin soch raha tha ki “Chaman Bhai
ka area hai… Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman : Aagey bol

Mujrim : Usney apun ka haath pakad liya

Chaman : Accha. Phir?

Mujrim : Sachchi bolta hai bhai haath pakadtey hi apun phir socha
“Chaman Bhai ka area hai… Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman : Phir kya hua ?

Mujrim : Phir kya tha. Usney bola chikney meri pyaas bujha de

Chaman : Phir tu kya bola (Getting Excited) ?

Mujrim : Apun kya bolta, usne apna duppata neechey gira diya

Chaman : To phir kya hua ?

Mujrim : Apun ke dimag ki dahi ho gaya, kya mommey (boobs) they saali
ke.lekin bhai phir bhi apun socha “Chaman Bhai ka area hai… Lafda nahi
karne ka”

Chaman : Phir tuney kya kiya ?

Mujrim : Apun bola ek-do kiss karega aur chala jayega… zyada boli to
body kaam karenga lekin engine nahi kholney ka.. Aakhir, “Chaman Bhai ka
area hai… Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman : Toh phir ?

Mujrim : Usney apun ko kheech liya.. sacchi bolta hai bhai aisi katil
jawaani apun akkhi life me nahi dekha.

Chaman : Haan, woh to hai.. Tu aage bol (Starts to heat up)

Mujrim : Phir kya tha.. apun ne kiss kiya, mommey (boobs) bhi dabaya..
lekin imaan se bolta hai, soch raha tha “Chaman Bhai ka area hai…
Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman : Aagey bol ?

Mujrim : Phir usney apni kameez utar di

Chaman : Phir ?

Mujrim : Phir salwar, lekin apun ke dil me ekich khayal aa raha tha
“Chaman Bhai ka area hai… Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman : Aagey aagey ?

Mujrim : phir blouse aur chaddi saali ne sab utar di

Chaman : sahi mein?

Mujrim : phir meri pant keech li

Chaman : Accha ?

Mujrim : meri underwear mein haath dal diya

Chaman : oh !!

Mujrim : chaddi utar di meri, lekin apun phir bhi socha “Chaman Bhai k!
a area hai… Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman : (Getting frustrated). .

Mujrim : Phir woh haath phiraaney lagi

Chaman : (Half Boiling)

Mujrim : phir mooh ghumaaney lagi… phir bhi apun yehi soch raha tha
“Chaman Bhai ka area hai… Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman: (About to blast) Aagey. aagey bol saley..

Mujrim: Chumney Chatney lagi bhaaaaiiii…lekin bhai kasam se..main yehi
soch raha tha “Chaman Bhai ka area hai… Lafda nahi karne ka”

Chaman: Abey teri to.. Chaman Bhai Gaya Maa Chudaney… tu aage bol !

Mujrim : Yehich.. yehich – apun ne bhi yehi socha bhai…aur game baja
dala.!!!

Chahta Hoon Tujhe Pyar Doon
Dosti Pe Apni Zindagi Waar Doon
Par Jab Tera koi REPLY Nahi Milta To
Dil Kerta Hy Teri [email protected] Pe Goli Maar Doo……… ……… ……..

Father & son went to medical store Father buys pack of condoms

Son:
Whats this?

Father:
Its medicine for killing rats

Son:
O bhenchod!

Ch00t mein bhi choohe..!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— –

Manmohan America gaye..>>BUSH se bole,raat ko maal bhejo..! >>Bush:16 saal ki ya 20 ki..?Manmohan: 65 ki bhejo,hum America ki beti nahi maa ch0dne aye hain..!!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———

Husband: Tum meri kis cheez se sabse zyada impress ho..?
Life Style,.
Car,.
Bank Balance.?
Biwi: Tumhare Sexx se..,tumhara jaisa Sexx mohalle me kisi ko nahi aata..!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

Teacher: Pappu, TAMSO MA JYOTIR GAMYA” shloka ka kya arth hai?
Pappu: Tum so jayo maa, mein Jyoti ke pass ja raha hoon

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

Ye ladkiya b kitni chalaak hoti he,apna 16 rupye litre wala DUDH ka lalach dekar hamara 180 rupye kilo wala GHEE nikal leti hai..!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-

16 sundria Swiming pool me naha rahi thi, achanak . . Pool ka sara pani sukh gaya ! Pucho kyun ? Yahi he asli WHISPER ka kamal”Gilepan ki chhutti..

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

Girl to boyfrnd-Dear, do u know apki lulli duniya ki sabse badi lulli hai??
boy-Achcha,
Girl-kyun ki,iske baad lund ki catagari hoti hai

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

dentist was caught raping a girl. Next day headline, “Dentist caught filling wrong cavity”.

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

newly married husbnd to wife at his in-laws home- chalo darlin aaj sex karte hai….!!!

wife- nahi ye mere baap ka ghar hai…!!

husbnd- to kya mere hi baap ne randi khana khol rakha hai????

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —–

ghalib na fermaya : koi saheli na mili to na sahi , tere jesa dost tu mil gaya

WAH WAH

chalo choot na mili tu na sahi .. tere jesa chootiya tu mil gaya

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —–

Aftr marriage couple in bed
She feels his hand rubbing her shoulder.
She:0h!dat feels gud.
hand moves 2 her breast.
She:Honey,dats wonderful.
hand moves 2 her leg.
She:0h honey dnt stop.
He stops.
She:Why did u stop?
He: Coz I found d remote!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —–

Ultimate thought:

Failure is not when ur girlfrand leaves u,
its only when u leave her..

…..virgin

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —-

On first night
Wife: aaj mera upwaas hai!
Husband slaped his wife and said
kya mere lund par aata laga hai
jo tera upwas toot jayega

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

Kisi condom company ne world-cup ko sponser kiya hota to uski advt me aise likh
te….
Cover your STUMP.
Before you PUMP

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

Responses during sex_
a) GIRLFRIEND – Wow darling, this is gr8…
b) PROSTITUTE – Come on.. finish it now..
c) WIFE – I think d ceiling needs painting….

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

TOTALLY NON-VEG
Bhosri Plaza Hotel
‘MENU CARD’
Grilled m ummay;
Achari l und;
P huddi of the day;
Tandoori b und
L ullian sirkay waali:
Chilly c hoot;
T attay mughlai
Gori b und da halwa;
Nargisi t attay;
P huddi pakoray;
L und folooda;
Mard makhan naan;
Afghani g and kabab;
Daigay m ammay;
L und khara masala;
B hosri fried rice;
Melted t utti cream;
P eeshab up;

Whats the height
of bad luck…

A man had sex in
dream and got AIDS

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–

Two Sardars got into a heated argument.While argueing, 1 of them shouted “Kiss My A ss!”The other replied “This is not the time 2 b romantic’.. 🙂

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———

Banta to wife : It is shame but let me confess I have become HOMOSEXUAL.

Wife: How come?

Banta: I have Sex at HOME only!
Wife:Thank god I am not

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–

Da ultimate truth of Life is dat,”SUCCESS KISSES U IN PRIVATE”

But….

“FAILURE ALWAYS FU CKS U IN PUBLIC”

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —–

What is the height of shock?

When you are having sex with a pregnant woman and suddenly a hand
grabs your dick from inside!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——-

A Couple Was Kissing In Da Garden
Suddenly Dog n Bitch Start Fucking

Boy: Janu Mera Bhi Dil Kerta Hy Main Bhi Ker Loon

Girl : Ok, Par Sambhal Ker Kutiya Kaat Na Le

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——

Milk Products According To Breast Size . . . ! ! !

32 Tarang
Chota Pack Bara Maza

34 Everyday
Jaise Chahe Piyo

36 Olper’s
Un K Liye Jo Dil Khol Ker Peete Hyn ;->

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–

Nasbandi ki team ko dubara apne gaon me dekh kar ek budha bola, “In logo ne connection to pahle hi kat diya tha,

ab kya HANDSET bhi le jayenge?

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–

Dad-Beti ki Shadi zaldi karni chahiye.
Mom-Ji ha,kitchen se roj GAJAR,MULI gayab ho rai he
Grndfathr-Do din se meri lakdi bhi gayab hai

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —–

Pilot to tower:”i’m 300 miles from land,600 feet over water & no fuel,plz instruct.”
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
?
Tower to pilot:”Gaaaand marao!!!”

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— –

Agar Gandhiji ke samay me AIDS hota to kya hota?
.
.
.
.
.
Toh chautha(4th) bandar underwear ke saamne haath karke khada hota

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——-

Degrees Of Girl

BA – Beautifull Ass

LLB – Lovly Lickable Breasts

BSc – Beautifull Sexy Cunr

MBBS – Member Of Big Boobs Society

MBA – Married But Available ;->

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —–

1 Larka Mar Gya Tou Us Ki maa Roty Huey Boli; Mere Larke Ne Dunya Main Dekha Hii Kia Tha

1 Parosan Larki Boli : Maine Tumhare Larke Ko Sab Kuch Dikha Dia Tha ;->

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——-

Grl 2 Swami: Can i c d future?
Swami: Gt nakd & bend & he startd oiling her asss..
She: It feels u’re gonna fuk me?
Swami: dekha tum future dekhne lagi na..!!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–

Aaj maine
2 kasme
khai hai…

1) Parai ladki pe nazar
nahi
dalunga.

2) Kisi bhi
ladki ko
paraai nahi
manungaaa!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——–

zara sambhal k

zyada bhaari chiz mat utana

waqt pe khana

waqt pe sona

apna khayal rakhna

Q

k

Teesra mahina chal raha hai na

2008 ka!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——-

Shaadi K Baad Larke k Dosto’n Ne Larke Se Poocha “Kaisi Rahi Suhaag Raat?”

Larka Bola : Aray Yaar Kabhi Khaandan Main Shaadi Nahi Kerna

Dosto’n Ne Poocha K: Kyun

Larka Bola : Jab Main Zor Zor Se Kerne Laga Tou Wo Boli

“KAMRAN BHAI” Zara Aaram Se . . .

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———

A Guy Wanted To Lose Weight

He Went To A Diet Centre

It Offered Plan A or B

He Took Plan A

He Was Than Taken To A Room Wherein A Good Looking Naked Girl Wid A
“If U Catch Me, U Can FUCK Me” Sign Was W8ing For Him

He Never Caught Her But Lost 50 Lbs

After 3 Days

He Decided To Try Plan B

Thinkin Tht Shud B Better
Excited, he Quickly Enteed The Room

A Horse Was W8ing Wid A Sign That Says
“I’ll Fuck U If I Catch U” ;->

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——

Shazada Saleem:- Anarkali ham tumhari Phudi Lena chahtae hae

Anar Kali:- Shahzada Hazur itni Bari cheez maang li aap nae

Shahzada Saleem:- ohhhhh ager itni bari hae to rehnae he do………. …

My collections

girls hostel me phone aya: rekha hai kya?” warden ne pooncha aage kya lagati hai, jawaab aaya abhi to pata nahi phele stayfree lagati thi.

beta: papa condom kya hota hai?

papa: chal bhag mujhe nahi pata.

beta: tabhi to hum 7 bhai-bahen hain!

ek reliance girl ki bra par likha tha” karlo duniya mutthi mein” to uske panty per kya likha hoga “lifetime incoming free”

newton ne apple niche girte dekha or gravity ki khoj ki.

usko ye pucko ki 25 saal se sandas karta tha, wo kya upar jata tha? sala chutiya bana gaya sabko.

why are females more successful in stock market than males???

because they know very well..

nichama levanu..

uparma aapvanu…

palat kar dekh janeman, jigar me dum hum bhi rakte hai. bra me do bomb tum rakhti ho to, chadi me ek gun hum bhi rakhte hai.

raat ti tanhaaye main.. haat underwear ki gehariyee mein.. kuch mehsoos sa hota hai.. mat sataao usko zalim kyunki.. pappu bhi sota hai.

thought of the day:- school ki ghanti ya ladki, dono mein se kisi ko bhi bajayoge, to ander se bacche hi niklenge.

tir kya chalati ho, dhar to talwar me hai, duppate se kya chupati ho, maal to salwar me hai..

navi shadi shuda jodi hoti hai. usme adami ka khada hi nahi hota use pata chalata hai jungal me ek sadhu hai wo uske pass jata hai. sadhu bola tumhe sirf tin vardan deta hoon tan bologe to khada ho jayega. tan tan bologe to baith jaega adami waha se nikal padata hai use jooth lagata hai wo paid ke niche jake pant kholata hai aur bolta hai tan, uska khada ho jata hai use yakin ho gaya. bus main chadhata hai conductuer bell marata hai tan khada ho jata hai nus rukati hai fir bell marta hai tan tan baith jata hai ghar par aata hai biwi ko bola saadi nikalo biwi saadi utarti hai aur bola tan biwi boli tum aise tan tan kya karte ho.

jab rat ke 12 bajte hai.

hum mutthi lagate hai,

ahshan kishi ka lete nahi.

hatho se gujara kerte hai.

miya aur bibi me bhayank jhagda ho gaya. miya gusse se tilmilata hua chillaya gaand maar doonga!!! bibi boli: age ki to sochte nahi, bus peeche pade rehte ho..

judge: jab tum per rape ho raha tha tab tum kaisa mahsus kar rahi thi??

ladki: laddu agar jabardasti se bhi khilaya jaye to meetha hi lagta hai.

an english lady asks pammi,

whats ur daily routine.

pammi replied: ki dassan, sara di chulle de agge, te sari raat bulee de agge!

sperms talking to each other inside batas polly: main doctor banuga, mainpilot banuga, after sometime bata goes to bathroom to masturbate. sperms to each other. saala isne toh sara career barbaad kar dita.

girlfriend are like a ghadi ditergent

phele istemal karo phir visvas karo

oscar nominations 4 best blue film:

1) hasina ki gand me pasian.

2) bhag bhosadi ke randi chodke

3) chut ke uper bhut

4) condom me chhed, khula bhed

1st time dekhiye mallika ke

b( . )( . )bs

maine to sirf dekhne ko kaha tha, aap to dabane lage!!

similarity between gandhi & mallika!

dono ne kapde tyag diye. ek ne desh ke liye, doosre ne deshwasion ke liye. aaisi azaadi aur kahan?

the reaction of girls after exams & after sex is the same:-

1) kitna lamba tha, kaash thoda time aur mil jata

2) pehle kitna darr lag raha tha, baad mein pata hi nahi laga

kab ho gya

3) mere to chhoot gya tha

4) teen ghante muje to saans hi nahi aayee

5) aaage ka to theek tha peeche ka kitna mushkil tha.

gand ko sahi salamt rakhne ke 3 upay.

1) gand rox dhona

) “ (

(_(__)

2) achi underwear pehanna

) “ (

(_(__)

3) mujh se panga mat lena

) “ (

(_ (__)

choot choot choot choot choot choot choot choot choot choot choot choot ab vim bar ke bade pack pe 3 rupaye ki choot, dirty mind…

maine tommy ko beja hai, jo dost mujhe sms nahi karte, tommy unke cell per mut ke ayega.

rich man 2 poor man: arey ye to batao sex maza hai ya mehnat?

poor man: sahab maza hi hoga mehnat hoti to ye bhi aap humse karwate.

man throws wifes bra out of the window8it falls on a mango seller.. he mutters: saale ne aam choos lia, aur chilke mere uper phek diye.

matrinonial ad: wanted a girl, age no bar, height no bar, looks no bar, colour no bar, caste no bar, money no bar, but sex bar bar bar bar…

lady is suking a man while he is driving, they meet with an accident.. blood spatters within the car.. a passerby comments “ aap baal-baal bach gaye” man replies sirf baal hi to bache gaye, bahi to who nigal gayi.

hothon mein whai muskaan liye, hathon main whai jaam liye, kahan chali ho janeman, seene pe dairy farm liye?

lady lost her new imported panties in the house.. angery , she asked her husband if he’d seen them. husband asked the maid.. maid replied, saab aapko to maloom hai, main chaddi nahin pahenti!

ek hijde ne army ke sare test pass karke jab sex test me gaya : major oye tera lund hi nahi hai. hijda-aapko mujse gun chalwani hai ya apni gand marvani hai?

palat ke kekh jalim tamanna hum bhi rakhte hai, husn tum rakhti ho to jawani hum bhi rakhtey hai, gehrai tum rakhti ho to lambaai hum bhi rakhtey hai.

gabbar: basanti tatti kar.

viru: nahi basanti in kutto ke samne tatti mat karna ye log tujhe paani nahi denge aur mujhse teri gand chatwaaenge!!!

wife oh!!! zara dhire karo kyo rajdhani chala rahe ho? malgadi chalo itne me beta bed se gira aur bola jo marxi ho wo chalaao per passenger ko to mat girao..

bahu, saas ki tange daba rahi thi, lehnga ooncha ho gaya, bahu boli, pranam! saas boli kisko?

bahu boli, sasur ki ranbhum aur inki janambhumi ko..

gujarati: aa underwear ni shu guarantee chhe?

merchant: underwear pahrine 12ma mala thi jump karo, gand phati jase pann underwear nai phate.

what is tragidy of film sholay??

ek to thakur ki biwi mar gai thi aur uper se gabber ne us ke dono hath kat diye the

beti, ma se: ma, lakda muze pasand hai, per wo bahut hi fat hai.

ma: beti tv chahe kitna bhi bada ho per remote to 7 inch ka hi hot ahai na.

10dular was having sex with malika she siad sachin tumhari nuni pe to aids likha hai, sachin said aare khada to hone de,.. uspe adidas likha hai.

teacher, teri shikayat ayi k tu gaali bolta hai, student sir, maine to kabhi kisi behnchod ko gali nahi di pata nahi ki madarchood ne aapki gand me chugli ki hai.

a girl goes 2 umbrella repair guy, he says: upper ka kapda nikal k naya rod ander tak dalna padega. girl says: kuch bbhi karo par pani ander nahi jana chahiye.

do u know did the parachute get its name?

ans: a girl jumped out of the plane n her skirt went up, an indian saw up n said kitna pyara-chut hai.

girls, eating biscuit in class, after some time she kept it in bra, teacher where is ur biscuit, boy siting next 2 girl says dudh may duba ke kha rahi hai.

Jab us hasena ko pasina ata hae,

Use dekh ker mujhe jina ata ha,

Geeli kamiz jab cheepakti ha pasine se,

Uff kia ubhar ke uska seena ata hae.

Molvi: mujhe biwi k liye bra chaye!

Shop keeper: Size pata ha ap ko

Molvi: Size to nahin pata per oski purani bra se maene 2 caps apne

liye banaye thi

——————————–

Y scooty kab li?

Sardar: Kal rat 1 lerki mujhe scooty per bohot dur legaye, sab kapre

uttar kar boli, jo chaye lelo, ma ne scooty leli, kapro ko ma kia

keerta.

——————————–

A blow job is the only job in the world that cannot b included in

resume despite years of experience and number of good refernces

Sardarni: mane keha than a condoumn k jaga romal istemal na karo, ab

romal under reh gaya, sardar: oh positive soch rakho, ye soch bacha

pagri pehn ker bahr ayega.

———————————–

Elephant to camel: y do u have hips on ur back:

Camel: well that’s a fuckin good question from some 1 who has dick

on his face.

————————————

Gal: wat do u like in me?

Boy: Those 2 white big balls having black dots on them.

Girl : Wat??????

Boy: yes I like ur eyes very much.

———————————-

Gal to salesman: Bra Dekha

SM: 36 chalega

Gal: nahin, choti do

SM: 32

Gal: nahin or choti

SM: 28

Gal: or choti

SM: 20

Gal: or choti

SM: Bhenji, saniplast deta hon, woh chipka do.

a hilarious but very vulgar shayari and jokes, some posted earlier in the group, please dont read if u dont want to

Dulhan ne uptan na lagai to dadi boli “beti ubtan lagale werna NOOR

nahin charhega” suhag rat k baad dulhan dadi se boli “NOOR to aesa

charha ke subha hi utra”

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— –

Qissa aik chudae ka!

Pehle gardan pa kaat liya hum ne,

phir mammo ko chaat lia hum ney,

phir dia honto pey namkin chuma,

bari dare tak nipple ko choosa,

ungli kar kar pani dia nikaal,

boli woh tarap ke jaldi se andar daal,

josh-e-jawani mai lund ko rakha choot pey,

dono haath jama diye os ke doodh pey,

zabt key bandhan achanak toot gaye,

under dalney sey pehle hi hum bahar hi choot gaye!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— –

Bill Clinton’s Air Force Plane… The pilot

announced , “Mr.President, we are about to land. Please return the

Air Hostess to her upright position!”

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— –

What is the difference between a person who is committing suicide

and a virgin?….. ……… ..

One is trying to die…. and the other is dying to try….!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— –

Mom :” soja warna gabbar ajayega”

Boy: “pehle Rs100 do”

Mom: “kion”?

Boy: “werna mai papa ko bata donga, mere sone k bad yeahn gabar ata

ha”

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— –

A very chodu shaayar made it to the marriage party of a Nizam’s daughter. He was behaving pretty well when some people asked him to say a sher. These people were expecting something nice from him when he started…

SHER KAHE, SHAYARI KAHE YA GAYE KOI GANA

SHER KAHE, SHAYARI KAHE YA GAYE KOI GANA

TERI NANI PAIR UTHAYE, CHODE MERA NANA!

People were shocked to hear this, though this shayar had a famous background of telling some really gandu shayaris. But this being a Royal Marriage, people requested him to say something about the wedding. To humare shayar sahab ne farmaya…

KYA HASEEN FIZZAA HAI INTAZAM KI…

People – WAH!, WAH, IRSHAAD, IRSHAAD !!!!

KYA HASEEN FIZZAA HAI INTAZAM KI…

KYA HASEEN FIZZAA HAI INTAZAM KI…

CHUDEGI AAJ LAUNDI NIZAM KI.

People were really angry to hear this They started abusing and throwing stones at him. On this he again started…

AYE DHARTI KE CHAAND SITARON…

AYE DHARTI KE CHAAND SITARON…

MAA KE LAUDON, PATTHAR TO NA MARO

People went out of control this time and started beating and kicking him. He begged for mercy but they were not ready to listen to him, any so he finally stated.

GARDISH MAIN HAI SITARE, GAND MARLO HAMARI..

GARDISH MAIN HAI SITARE, GAND MARLO HAMARI….

JAB BAHARE-CHAMAN MAIN HONGE, MAA CHOD-DENGE TUMHARI…

Rest is history But the history stayed with him when he grew up. Ab jaahir hai ki aise chutiye ke prem me koi padega nahi. To yeh shayar Hyderabaad se Bombai pyaar ka chakkar chalane ke liye aaya. Ek usne achchhi ladki ko dekha. Ladki ka dhyaan kahi aur tha to shaayar sahaab ne wahi farma diya…

MUDHKAR ZARA IDHAR BHI DEKH ZAALIM

KE TAMANNA HUM BHI RAKHTE HAI,

CHUT TERE PAAS HAI TO KYA

LUND HUM BHI RAKHTE HAI

You won’t believe it But the girl liked this shayri and she fell for him. Things went well for them for next few days, lekin woh ladki kuch aage nahi badhne deti thi. To ek suhane mousam pe humare dost ne use kahe hi dala…

DIL TO DIYA HAI TUJHE PAR EK SHART LAGAYI HAI

LENI HAI WOH CHEEZ JO TUNE TANGO ME CHHEPAYEE HAI

That was it! Ladki ek dam ruth gayi aur shayar se milna jhulna chhod diya. To shayar ki haalat bhi kharab ho gayi. Dost log bhi khairat puchhne chale aaye. To cheer him up, they requested him to say a sher dedicated to her. So he goes…

BEDARD ZAMANA KYA JAANE

KYA CHEEZ JUDAAI HOTI HAI

HUM LUND PAKAD KAR BAITHE HAI

JABKI GHAR GHAR ME CHUDAI HOTI HAI

Yeh sunkar dost log hil gaye. Koi bola lund ko sambhalo. To koi kaheta hai ki agar lund ko pakad kar baithoge to mutne kaise jaoge? To shayar bolta hai…

KOUN KAHETA HAI KI LUND YAHAN MUTNEKO AATA HAI?

KOUN KAHETA HAI KI LUND YAHAN MUTNEKO AATA HAI?

ARE WOH TO CHUT KI YAAD ME AANSU BAHANE AATA HAI

Yeh sun kar sab dost log aur bhi pareshaan ho gaye. Ek dost se to yeh suna bhi nahi gaya.

To woh dost bolta hai ki mei kaise bhi karke teri darling ko waapis bulaunga. Tere paas waapis aake tujh pe ek ehsaan karne khi bhikh mangooga. Ab aap log to jaane ti ho ki yeh shayar log kitne independant hote hai. To humare shayar ko yeh ehsaan lene wali baat kuch pasand nahi aayi. To woh bola…

EHSAAN KISI KA KYA LENA, HUM TO MUTH PE GUZAARA KARTE HAI

EHSAAN KISI KA KYA LENA, HUM TO MUTH PE GUZAARA KARTE HAI

JAB BHI YAAD UNKI AATI HAI, OOTH OOTH DUBARA KARTE HAI

Mahebooba kabhi waapis nahi aayi. To uski yaad bhula ne ke liye wohi shaayar Delhi chala gaya. Wahan jab Qutub Minar dekha to bola:

DEKH KE QUTUB MINAR, SHAYAR KA DIMMAG DODA

ASMAAN KO CHODNE CHALA DHARTI KA LAUDA

Is par Delhi police ki gaand mein khujli hui to usse pakad liya gaya aur court mein pesh kiya gaya. Jab Judge sahiba ne poocha “tumhe kuch kehna hai?” to woh bola:

AIYE SANAM UTHA KALAM

MUJHE KASAM HAI RABKI

MUJHE KASAM HAI RABKI

MAA CHOD DOONGA SABKI…

On such a contempt of court, he was ordered to be hanged till death. When he was burried, the judge sahiba visited his grave. Needless to say she was very mad so she pissed on his grave. Judge sahiba ke jane ke is shayar ke bhoot ne ek arz farmaya…

WO AAYE HUMARI KABAR PAR

AUR MUTT KAR CHALE GAYE

WO AAYE HUMARI KABAR PAR

AUR MUTT KAR CHALE GAYE

MUTNE KA TO BAHANA THA

WOH CHUT DIKHAKAR CHALE GAYE …….

Husband comes home with a half gallon of Ice Cream. He asked his wife if she wants some. . .

she asked: “How hard is it?”

he replies: “About as hard as my dick”
To which She Replies: “OK, then pour me some!”. . . ;

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

A Sardar Named Surinder ‘G.A.A.N.D.U’
Goes To An Advocate To Get His Name Changed.
As He Had Been Teased For It His Whole Life.

Advocate: O.K. Can Be Done.
What Would You Like Ur New Name To Be?

Sardar ( After Much Thinking) : GURINDER ‘G.A.A.N.D.U’ . . . .

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

A Man Is In A Hotel Lobby , he Turns 2 goto the front desk , he accidently bumps into a woman beside him and as he does , his elbow goes into her breast .
The man turns 2 her n says , madam if ur heart is as soft as ur breast . I knw u will forgive me .
she replies , If ur penis is as hard as ur elbow i’m in room 436

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

Strongest Musle In a man Is TONGUE.
It Can Raise A Woman’s Legs With Just One Lick

Lightest muscle In a Man is PENIS.
It Can be Raised By a Woman’s Smile

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

Ages Of Women . . .
1. Between the ages of 16 and 18, she is like Africa, virgin and unexplored. . .

2. Between the ages of 19 and 35, she is like Asia, hot and exotic. . .

3. Between the ages of 36 and 45, she is like America, fully explored, breathtakingly beautiful, and free with her resources. . .

4. Between the ages of 46 and 56, she is like Europe, exhausted but still has points of interest. . .

5. After 56 she is like Australia, everybody knows it’s down there but who gives a damn. . . ?

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

Three Boy Scouts, a lawyer, a Old Age Pathan , and a pilot are in a plane that is about to crash.

The pilot says “Well, we only have 3 parachutes, let’s give them to the 3 Boy Scouts.
They are young and have their whole lives in front of them”

The lawyer says “Fuck the Boy Scouts!”

The Pathan Asks, “Do we have time?”. . .

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

A GIRL WAS MASTURBATING DURING EXAM WHILE LOOKING AT THE EXAMINER’S OPENED ZIP

WHEN THE EXAMINER NOTICED, SHE MOPED HER HAND AND QUICKLY STARTED WRITING….. .

EXAMINER: WHAT WERE YOU DOING?

GIRL: JUST EATING MY LOLLY

EXAMINER: (SMELLING AND LICKING THE HAND) IT WAS STRAWBERRY FLAVORED BUT YET WAS ROTTEN . . .

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

Newly Young Boy To Doctor: Mujhe Koi Aisi Tarkeeb Batayen K Jis Se Sex bhi Ho Jaye Aur Pragnancy Bhi Na Ho . . . ? ? ?

Doctor: Hai Na . . . Beta Bas Peeche Se Lete Raho. . . ;

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

Boss Asks Secretory: “Do U Know, What’s The Difference Between A Russian Salad & A Blowjob. . . ?”

Seceratory : No. . .

Boss: Great, Let’s Have The Lunch First . . . ;

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

New Abbriviations

PIA = Pain In Ur Ass

USA = Under Skirts Activities

PUMA = Press Untill Milk Arrive

ARAB = After Rape Apply Balm

CUBA = Caught Under Bra Area. . . ;

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

Girl And Boy Were Sitting Alone

Boy Started Touching The Girl. . .

Girl: Don’t Touch Me

All Things Only After Marriage

Boy: ok
Than
Call Me When U r Married. . . ;

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

Sradar Giving Speech To Deaf And Dumb Ppl. . .
Suddenly He Rubs Chest, Touches Dick And Starts Masterbating. . .
When He Was Asked, What’s Tha Meaning . . . ? ? ?
He Said: It Means Ladies And Gentlemen, It Gives Me Great Pleasure. .

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

I Had Avised “RANI MUKHERJI” To Use “WHISPER”
But
She Didn’t. . . . . . .

THEN. . . . . !!!!

THEN WHAT. . . . . ? ?

“LAAGA PENTY MEIN DAAG. . . ” ;

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

A guy comes home from office and finds a man with his head between his wife’s boobs. He asks angrily, “What the hell are you doing?”
The man replies “I’m listening to music”. The husband then puts his head between his wife’s boobs and says “I don’t hear any music”.
The man replies “Thats because you are not plugged inn” . . .

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

A GirL Raped another GirL..

Everyone was shocked..

why did she do that..?

when asked, she replied…

“why should boys have all the fun”…

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

Why Do The Urdu Speaking Women Have Mostly Big Breasts. . . ?

Because

Whenever They Greet Anyone. . . They Say AA..DAAAB , AA..DAAAB. . .

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

What Exactly The Term GOLD-LEAF Means . . .? ?

G = Get
O = One
L = Lady
D = Daily
L = leave It
E = Early
A = After
F = Fuck

So Have u Had Ur Gold Leaf Today . . .

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

A Man Wid His Wife & 9 Children w8ing At The Bus Stop.
A Blind Man Joins Them After A Few Minutes . . .
When The Bus Arrives They Find Tht Only Children & Wife Can Fit In The Bus . . .
So Blind Man & Husband Decided To Walk . . .
After Sum Tym Husband Says To Blnd: Why Don’t U Put A Piece Of Rubber At The End Of Ur Stick . . That Soud Driving Me Crazy. . !
Blind Man Replies: If U Wud’ve Put Rubber At The End Of Ur Stick We Wud Be Riding The Bus . So Shut Up. . .

Wife: Tumne mujhe aaj tak dya kya hai, 10 saal tak sirf Do Bacho ke he qabil rahe..!

Husbnd: Tum meri Mehnat dekho or apni Production dekho….

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, “If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I would be a little bull.”

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, “What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?! “

The kid smiles and says, “I would be a bus driver..!

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

A criminal broke into bed room, tied up husband & wife, kissed wife’s ear & went 2 bathroom.

Husband told wife, “satisfy him or he will kill us, b strong I LOVE U”

Wife said “He didnt kiss me,He whispered in my ear that he’s GAY, needs vaseline & I told him its in the bathroom. So b strong I LOV U 2…

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

Guy1: hey how was first nite?
Guy2: big mistake yaar… i was so drunk… i forgot that i was married, and remembering the old days, i kept Rs500 under the pillow after finishing u know wat…
Guy1: oh my god! how could u?.. it could not be any worse!
Guy2: well actually it is….. saali ne 200 rupiya vaapas kar diya. . . .

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

GUY TAKES GILR TO HIS ROOM, PUTS HIS PANTS DOWN AND SAYS:
MEET MY LITTLE BROTHER ,

GIRL PICKS UP HER BAG AND SAYS: CALL ME WHEN HE GROWS UP. . .

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

Snow White & the 7 Dwarfs Had Sex
Snow White: I’m Sad & Frustrated!

Dwarfs: Why?

She Cried n Said:

I Want 7 inches 1 time, Not 1 inch 7 times. . . ;

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

Tendulkar having sex with call girl.
She said: Teri lulli pe AIDS likha hai..
Tendulkar replied:
Maa ki louri, pora khara to honay de ADIDAS likha hai…

———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— —

Boyz attitude !

A boy When Proposez A Girl

If she sayz “YES” Then
PATA NAHI KITNO KO HAAN KAHA HOGA . . . . !!!

If she sayz “NO” Then
BEHAN KI LORI KHUD KO ASHWARYA RAI SAMJHDI HAI. . . ;